Nov 7, 2005

"The Apprentice: A Novel.."

may be the underappreciated work of Scooter's vivid and some may say filthy imagination, but the used price tag for his turn-of-the-century novel filled with 'voyeurism, bestiality, pedophilia and corpse robbery' has been rising on fetching as much as $2,400 as of late.
In case you missed it, here is a sampling from Msr. Libby's first book reviewed in the latest issue of the New Yorker (shout out to my hometown!):
"At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest."
I think it is fair to say that Danielle Steel, is safe for NOW!

Irv, if I may, I know you have rising legal costs and since deep down I am really a big softy here are my two cents and free recipe for your literary success - "The Chief of Staff: A Prison Engagement" - Told in the first person a la Martha Stewart, focus more on mainstream deviancy (suitable for Democrats and readers with real family values), liberally mix in tantalizing tales and topics about prison life, e.g. defiance and escape attempts a la Cool Hand Luke and Papillion, gangs fights (embezzlers vs. perjurors vs. inside traders), throw in a pinch of man on man love a la Kiss of the Spider Woman (think Jack Abramhoff, Tom DeLay or Bernie Ebbers) and Midnight Express, and finally be sure to include plenty of material on steamy conjugal visits with Official "A", John Bolton, Harriet Grant, Judy Miller, whomever, but the more the better.

Oh, the Places You'll Go! Money can't buy these kind of real world experiences in store for you 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed. I smell a huge advance and a sure-fire New York Time's bestseller cooking now!


Blogger cuff said...

Mellow man, I know you're busy prosecutifying these evildoers and what not, but the swami's picks were noticeably absent. Have you abandoned the mellow site?

9:43 PM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

Mass, I have an obligation to the good people in our country to provide timely information on my hard work and playboy lifestyle. Besides, I have a huge following in my co-workers at the DOJ. ;)

10:18 PM  
Blogger bluewild said...

Pork rinds...think of Rove lard while your chewing on them. That should cure you of them forever.

If Babe were in the Whitehouse - pork rinds would be outlawed and Judy Miller would be in a pig pen down on the farm. Scooter would be high on her slop.

10:34 PM  
Blogger SamuelAlito said...

Don't worry Pat, when I get my seat, books like Scooter's will be banned!


9:15 AM  
Anonymous Jackie said...

Fitz don't shake Libby's hand this man is dirty. Libby is a sick man and if his friends are anything like him well. I wouldn't let him near my children. To think he is a religious man with a family. I know he needs money but the timeing of this is bad. If the jurors hear of this I wonder what will be going through minds when he stands in front of them and says he's a christen man. Just thinking of what he wrote makes me sick. At my age I thought I had heard everything but this is right up there.

11:31 PM  
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7:24 PM  

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