Jan 22, 2007

Draft Opening Statement...

It usually starts out something like this:
THE COURT: Mr. Fitzgerald, are you ready for the opening statement on behalf of the government?

YOURS TRULY: I am, your Honor. Thank you very much and let me state, for the record, what a handsome tie you have on today.
THE COURT: Why, thank you for noticing counselor. My granddaughter gave me this for Kwanza. Is that powdered sugar on your chin? Please proceed.

YOURS TRULY: Your Honor, ladies, gentlemen and GLBT's of the Jury, counsel, good morning my name is Patrick J. Fitzgerald.
This is my first opportunity to discuss with you the evidence that the good guys will present in the matter of the United States of America versus I. Lewis Libby, also known as Scooter Libby, Irve, Little Soldier, Scooter X, Snoop Libby, Cheney's Girl Friday, and Off-the-Record-Liar...
How is it so far? Do you like the politically correct salutation? This could be a long night...your comments/suggestions might be helpful.
Five Tips For Helping Write My Opening Statement
1. Keep it simple (this is not the time to share everything).
2. Talk about the case in broad terms, with a theme (guilt and crime).
3. Remember the jury is the audience (not the judge, the defendant, or Christy @ Firedoglake).
4. Tell a story that paints a picture of our side of the case.
5. Share only the most helpful facts to our side that the jury will learn about during the trial—or the most harmful to the other side.


Blogger calamityjane said...

It would be nice if you could make an opening statement like that. It's funny.;D).I Scooter Fibby is all of that and then some.

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha Ha! You are not going to say that! But, hey, you forgot, Baby Cojones..

It will go something like this:

Biloxi's Opening Statement: Ladies and Gentleman of the jury. My name is William H. Biloxi (don't ask what the H stands for). The bottom line to this lame duck and nauseating case, ladies and gentleman, Irve is simply toasted. Irve's case and defense is on life support with no revival. Hang the baby cojones! Everyone knows that Irve is hosed. I'm outta here.. Peace out!

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regarding your opening statment tips:

Make sure your very last statement from your opening statement (or a catch phrase) is very effective. Usually the very last statement of an opening is in the memory bank of the jurors. And it can make or break you or Wells.

Pay attention to your audience. Give the jurors something to remember.

That's my 2 cents!

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

.....and GLBT's of the Jury,

Ha ha, nice touch!

10:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOURS TRULY: Do you like good side?

THE COURT: Only when you bend over.

10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Is that powdered sugar on your chin?"

Now I'm wondering, is that white powdered sugar or cinnamon powdered sugar...?

-- Patrick, if you eat cinnamon donuts, the powder on your person will be less obvious.

10:28 PM  
Blogger Quzi Formerly CC said...

First, wipe the powdered sugar off your chin.

Second, you've certainly got the GLBT's attention now.

Third, drop "Cheney's Girl Friday" as often as possible...

Fourth, remind the jurors that they can call you Fitz (for bonding purposes)...

Fifth, tell Libby that Jackie says, "Once you go Black you never go back."

And I think you have it all thought out now, counselor! LOL

Get your beauty sleep and enjoy your day tomorrow with the jury!

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

-- Patrick, if you eat cinnamon donuts, the powder on your person will be less obvious.

But if, on the other hand, it were Scooter Libby .......

(Bless his heart, couldn't resist!)

If I were him, I'd be pale too.

10:33 PM  
Blogger jan said...

Have a wonderful day tomorrow, Fitz!

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Your opening statement could go like this..

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury. My name is Patrick J. Fitzgerald. Some of you may know me as Fitz, Fitzie, The Untouchable, Junkyard Dog, Batman or Fitzmas Claus.

But, none the less, I was assigned Special Prosecutor in the CIA Leak Case. My team and I have covered a lot of ground over the past 3 years in search of the truth.

It is a shame that a Government Official, such as Mr. I. Lewis Libby, has to be brought to trial for Perjury, Lying and Obstruction of Justice. Lying is never acceptable and we certainly want to reveal the truth to you, the people of the Jury.

Thank you. *Smile*


10:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I had my fun with that! LOLMAO

S-Q outta here and goodnight everyone!

Just send a Batman signal.. hehe

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Cookie Monster said...

SQ, nice try! :)

11:03 PM  
Anonymous earl pitts said...

Tell the jury it is common sense and would they remember if they outed a CIA agent's name to start an illegal war? All to help get an insane nut, crook and liar re-elected? Little Irve lied to save his sorry ass and tried to send his bed pal a coded message in the slammer to keep her mouth shut about all the connected 'roots' of evil.

Wake up, America!

11:33 PM  
Blogger Jackie said...

Opening remarks are about the case not the Prosecutor. Fitz do what you do best give the facts and a statement that will be remembered. Most people can't remember much of the much information given. Ask anyone what Johnnie Cochran said in court no one remembers. This is all that will be remembered for ever " If the glove don't fit you must acquit".

1:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

patrick j. fitzgerald said...

"This is my first opportunity to discuss with you the evidence that the good guys will present..."

I especially like this part.

1:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone knows that Irve is hosed. I'm outta here.. Peace out!

I give this my endorsement.

But is it too brief for an opening statement?

Yeah, I think so ....... I need to study those 5 pointers more carefully.....

1:20 AM  
Anonymous Snoop Libby said...


You is dippin' a wigga j-o-b decision ya feelin' me? I have wiggaz in hizzle places so you wanna be gangsta watch yo ass n' sh*t.

Dizzay even think `bout being tough on mah posse Judy Hustla n Dizzay Cheney with the gangsta sh*t that keeps ya hangin yaba daba dizzle.

May tha biznest dawg wizzle, me fo' rizeal!

So bow down to the bow wow.

1:24 AM  
Anonymous Kathleen M. Dickson said...

"Recall that Justice was called by ___ (CIA?) to investigate the matter of the Novak analysis of the Wilson story about the probability that the government of Saddam Hussein had tried to acquire yellowcake uranium for use in nuclear weapons.

We, the Department of Justice, were called because...(repeat same in a different way).

In our investigations into the allegation that someone violated the law in revealing Plame's status, we were met with impediments to recreating a coherent sequence of events. These impediments consumed our time and energy in the investigation.

We are not paid to be obstructed by another paid government employee. ...

Numerous and confusing parallel story lines have burdened not only us, the Department of Justice, but the nation.

Although there was international public outrage over the possibility that the dossier was "sexed up," that the war effort failed to reveal the evidence claimed as the cause for war, there now is a stated campaign by the Democrats promising hearings on the evidence used in the lead up to the war.

Had not Justice been obstructed in the Plame-Wilson-Novak investigation, outcomes for the 2004 elections may have been different. As regards the forgery of the Niger Uranium letter, another division of Justice is investigating. El Baradei declared the letter to be a forgery.

These are what we know to be the facts and allegations by the UN.

The claim of the Government is that I. Lewis Libby deliberately misled Justice in our interviews with him.

When national security is threatened because justice is obstructed, after national security has been threatened by allegedly forged documents that came into the hands of decision-makers at the White House, Americans take this to be a very grave matter. We, the Department of Justice, play a crucial role in protecting the integrity of White House decisions.

In another scenario, had someone information that the World Trade Center would come under attack on a certain date, and that person was prevented from revealing this information to the White House and national security agencies, we would take that also to be a grave threat to the security of the nation.

We would like to know who, how, and when that information was prevented from reaching the White House and the Pentagon.

At this moment there is great debate over the illegal wiretapping being conducted and protected by Alberto Gonzales. Perhaps if this illegal wiretapping had been in place before 9/11, we could have discovered who ordered the evacuation of the World Trade Center in the weeks before 9/11, who ordered the power shutdown of the buildings before 9/11, and how Rudy Guiliani was warned that the buildings would "collapse," on 9/11, saving his life. This information would might have led to the discovery of who "pulled" WTC building 7, upon Larry Silverstein's orders on September 11, 2001.

We would have liked to have known who ordered the Israeli moving company staff who were "sent document the event" to document the event. We would like to know, via the illegal wiretapping of anyone who contacts nations outside America, ordered by Alberto Gonzales, who "sent" the Israelis.

"If anyone in this country is talking to the Mossad, We want to know."

The sequence of our discovery is as follows...

5:53 AM  
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