Nov 27, 2006

Clarice Feldman E-XXX-sposed..!?

An Open Letter To Clarice Feldman from the PJFFC

Dear Ms. Feldman,

We're writing to you, women-to-woman, because it's come to our attention that you may need a bit of assistance in the romance department. You see, we've decided that your many denouncing editorials, your complaint to the DOJ professional responsibility board, and your apparent dislike of the man is nothing but a ruse. We believe that you're madly in love with Patrick J. Fitzgerald.

We are the Patrick J. Fitzgerald Fan Club, and we understand your suffering. If he would only just go OUTSIDE once in awhile so we could get more pictures of him from the media photographers posted outside his offices (our stalker proxies), or once again hold a flurry of indictment news conferences? We merely want pictures! We're only guilty of love in the first degree! Indict US if you must!

We digress.

Clarice, come on. You can't resist those piercing blue eyes and that sweet smile, can you? You want to lay your head on one of those broad shoulders while he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, like "statute," "admissible," and "satisfy...the court". (You're feeling a little warm right now, aren't you?) You want to fall asleep on his office couch while he reads a file from a case heard in 1994, right? How about those late nights discovering the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth -- boxers, or briefs?


Be honest. You wouldn't be so obsessed with him if you didn't really, truly, in your heart of hearts, admit that he makes your toes curl, doesn't he? If you want to date him, you'll have to do what every other woman since the dawn of time has had to do to get a man's attention: Play hard-to-get. Flirt with another guy in his office. (We do know that Mr. Shapiro would like some attention, for instance.) <more>

Oh my...who's next, Maureen Dowd?

Reference - see: I Am In Big Trouble Now..!
(Clarice's scathing letter to DoJ Office of Professional Responsibility)

Labels:

28 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Morning Everyone!

Ohhhhhh...that was good!! hehe

Well, the Gerbil wants to build his "Presidential" library..
WASHINGTON - He may be a certified lame duck now, but President Bush and his truest believers are about to launch their final campaign - an eye-popping, half-billion-dollar drive for the Bush presidential library.

How many copies of "My Pet Goat" does he need? LOLMAO!

Have a wonderful day all!! :D

10:38 AM  
Anonymous just wondering said...

Run Fitz Run!!

Run from this crazed NeoCon!

10:43 AM  
Anonymous t said...

Sheesh, you poor guy! Need another body guard? hehe

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Inspector Perspectomundo said...

keyword "Clarice" on Fitz's blog search - she has a long history of stalking him.

10:50 AM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

T,

The only way she could ever possibly get near me is if she were to disguise herself as the Krispy Kreme delivery person or ensnare me by leaving a trail of doughnuts along my jogging route...do you think she is that devious?

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Dr. Phil said...

Fitz, old buddy old pal, I hope you have a strong and trusting relationship with your girlfriend since unsolicited attention from the likes of Clarice and Julie can often fuel the green monster of jealousy in certain kinds of wimmins. Good bye and good luck! :D

11:01 AM  
Anonymous michael douglas said...

The Katherine Wolff character in Basic Instinct was styled directly from Clarice who is also a dead ringer for Sharon Stone.

You don't stand a chance pal.

11:01 AM  
Anonymous FDA said...

Michael,

We believe FOX News would erroneously report that Clarice resembles Sharon Stone, whereas CNN would truthfully reveal she is a dead ringer for the Joan Rivers/Ruth Bader Ginsberg/Natalie (Facts of Life) breeding experiment performed by the infamous Dr. Moreau.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous clarice said...

You know I don't wear any underwear.

Have you ever fu**ed on cocaine, Fitz? It's nice.

11:24 AM  
Blogger jan said...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_
035Bj63oYA&mode=related&search=

11:28 AM  
Anonymous t said...

Yeah Fitz, since you just gave away how easy it is to find you heehee

(Clarice response at 11:24 anon-well, just watch yerself, son;-)

11:34 AM  
Anonymous clarice said...

Fitz don't be long baby.


http://youtube.com/
watch?v=PvF9fSeN2mY

11:50 AM  
Anonymous just wondering said...

In response to fda at 11:14:

Yech, Fitz, you poor thing. Being pursued by a beast like that.

What a nightmare...

11:56 AM  
Blogger Quzi Formerly CC said...

Another Freudian slip by Clarice masquerading as a self-righteous letter...LMAO

Watch your KK crumbs...you don't want to have to put out a restraining order against the unstable Clarice or your fan club members

11:58 AM  
Blogger teak said...

http://www.rawstory.com/news/2006/
GOP_squabbles_may_lead_to_early_
1127.html

Some GOP aides warned that Sens. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.), Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) and Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.) may have made a serious miscalculation when they stopped Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.) from sending the military construction spending bill to conference with the House — a maneuver that would have given GOP leaders a vehicle on which to build an omnibus.

Kudos to your fan club about skanky Clarice. Know your regular KK dealers so you won't be lured.

11:59 AM  
Blogger Quzi Formerly CC said...

OMG LOL...Bushie is trying to raise $500 million to build his Presidential library

Sheeesh...How many "My Pet Goat" books does he need @ $4.95??????

12:05 PM  
Blogger Special Prosecutor Biloxi said...

Please... Ms Hannibel Feldman needs to get a frickin life (slithers)! I think Clarice has the hots for Fitz or a wet dream about Fitz. What is it about the GOP koolaid drinkers with this love fest? First, Tweety Matthews is fixated with Hillary Clinton and now Clarice with Fitz. That skank is just a pill getting free money to spread the gnome lovefest.

8:00 PM  
Anonymous PFEB grunt said...

"Watch your KK crumbs...you don't want to have to put out a restraining order against the unstable Clarice or your fan club members"

Hey! No fair calling the fan club stalkers, ChimpCoulter! We prefer "harem."

Stalkers don't "share." ;-)

8:13 PM  
Blogger Strategerie said...

>a restraining order against your fan club members<

ChimpCoulter -- so young, so cynical. What's up with that? Can't a bunch of women get together a fan club to slavishly worship a man who doesn't know they're alive without the immediate call for a restraining order?

Really.

-S

9:21 PM  
Anonymous pfeb grunt said...

Yes,

"slavishly" as in "voluntary servitude."

Try it sometime. Which reminds me... it's my turn to get him his KK while the Contessa gives him his rubdown. It's such... hard... work... fighting bad guys, isn't it, Fitzie Baby?

9:25 PM  
Blogger Prezzildent despondent said...

$500 million bucks for a chimpster library? For what? He can't read for crying out loud! That certainly will be mighty small library. What books would be in this library: My Pet Goat Vol. I, II, III, IV, and so on?

*lol*

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Lindsay Lohan said...

best suite

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Lingeries said...

best site

6:36 PM  
Anonymous Lingeries said...

best asite

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Cruise said...

best site

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

re: clarice

personally , i wouldn't worry over her and it was difficult to read her complaint

i saw her blog so i suppose she has a seat in the courtroom ?

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

other Fitz people

including Mr. Sharpiro, happy to know there are other men in the office

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The CUM Depot has opened its doors!
This site contains free XXX Reality Porn featuring hot horny teen sluts who take it up the ass by big dicks during anal sex and Horny cum dripping pussy sluts and well hung studs in hardcore gangbang backseat sucking and fucking action.
free porn

5:29 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home