Oct 25, 2005

Indictments 101...

As you may have guessed from my previous post - I will soon be announcing indictments (quite a few of them) from my posse in the grand jury, think imminent. Please be patient.
My office is currently notifying the lawyers for the indicted individuals to make agreements on whether a summons will be issued for some or arrest warrants for others, and, if it's going to be an arrest warrant, whether the person will be allowed to surrender at the courthouse or FBI office rather than be arrested at home or at work (think "frog march") and bail amounts can be agreed upon.
After almost two years of a long, tedious and complex investigation that has included recalling several witnesses (Karl!) because of incongruent and conflicting testimony, lost then found notes (Judy!), visits to jail (Judy again!) and faulty memories (Everyone!) you can be rest assured that I have been thorough, professional and licking my chops since day one!
Again, please be patient, this will be the biggest mother of all scandals to hit our nation's capital since Ken Starr found DNA on that portly girl's dress.
Stay tuned and have a great week.
Maureen Dowd Karl Rove Wilma


Anonymous Howard Dean said...

I have a throat lozenge in my pocket for when you do!

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Karl Rove said...

Mr. Fitzgerald, can I come back a fifth time? I promise I have my story all worked out now.

2:57 PM  
Blogger John said...

BTW, concerning the matter of not issuing a report, and therefore either just going home, or indicting, feel free to borrow the phrase that popped into my head upon reading about that: "...and I'm all out of bubblegum." I'd find it fitting.

3:49 PM  
Blogger John said...

P.S. Hot diggity! That's the first time I've seen my avatar (or whatever you call it) crop up in comments, and what a perfect place for it! It's like the REAL mug shot DeLay never had!

3:51 PM  
Blogger Archie's Grandson said...


Could u text msg me when you're about ready? I need to fake being sick from work and call Domino's for some buffalo wings so I can watch everything on TV.

Screw the superbowl, this is gonna be great TV!!

4:59 PM  
Blogger Archie's Grandson said...

oops, I don't need to fake being sick from work but rather fake a sickness so that I can get out of work.

Hey, you're a lawyer. Can I sue my work for muddling my brain? I'm totally serious.

5:01 PM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

John, that is a great line, but I am a mentos man myself. And you look familiar, did I ever prosecute you or did we party together at a Grateful Dead concert in '79?

Archie, sorry but I only text message with Joe Wilson, Harriet Miers and this chick on AOL who swears she is Jenna Bush. ;)

5:30 PM  
Blogger Sini said...

Would you consider switching to Altoids? They were Monica's favorite.

7:36 PM  

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